Why not give this another whirl?

I suppose this post should have preceded the last one. But, I'm pensive tonight and I never know if the mood will bring a rash of creativity or a lack of it. It's weird: sometimes words flow quite easily from my mind onto the page, and other times all the effort in the world only yields a clumsy sentence or two.

So, it's been quite a while. I'm not exactly sure of the timeline, but maybe something like two years since I've posted on this blog. So much has changed since then. I've graduated, am working as a public defender in New Orleans, celebrated my 30th birthday, converted to Judaism, and recently ended a relationship with a guy that I was certain would last much longer than it did. I've grown. I now know I'm capable of being a partner to another human being, the kind of partner I want to find for myself -- open, giving, accepting, nurturing, and loving. I'm wiser, and yet in many ways, I feel the same; I'm still searching, still uncertain about my future, and still simultaneously appreciating and struggling to accept that this is what life is about.

I'm reminded tonight of a question posed to me about the canoe in the picture above. "Why the canoe?" someone asked. I replied months ago by stating: "no matter what, this life is one we ultimately travel alone. of course, we share what we can with others....and the sharing makes life extra special. in the end, though, the course we take is ours to determine. the image of the canoe provides a sense of comfort. i am a capable captain and I can steer it wherever i'd like. that thought is liberating."

In retrospect, it's all about balance, I suppose; it's about knowing when to take the reins yourself and when to rely on others for help.

No guarantees, but I'll probably write soon. I feel it coming on.